Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Day 23: A letter to someone, anyone

30-Day Blogging Challenge

Day 23: A letter to someone, anyone.

Honestly, this entry is the reason I stopped the challenge in the first place. I don't generally leave things unsaid, preferring to make my peace.

But it all happened in the literal blink of an eye and I just sort of clamped shut with the same violent speed with which I had opened up.

I kinda did see it coming, can't lie, but what the fuck, you know. How does one even make such a decision in one day. You know what? I don't want to know these things. I don't see how any details about the situation are going to change the impact. We joked how you didn't give a fuck but the truth is that I honestly knew this side of you was going to hurt me. I'm not reckless because I'm fragile, and I think that's one of the things I liked about you so much. How you just went for it without even considering. But because of that I am now sad and disappointed.Before you crashed into my life I was doing quite well and content. It even took convincing from others to give you a chance, you goddamn idiot. I'm sorry, you're not an idiot. The truth is that I understand, I mean, what else could you do? There's nothing more to it, but it's still the thorn in my eye. No matter how loud I try to be, I cannot drown the thoughts that said I'm a fucking Monet, beautiful from a distance but a mess up close. And I think probably you never even thought anything like that, but you did pursue me first and made a lot of the first moves, so what gives? Up-close disappointment, am I right?Fuck.I hate that I have so little control over my own self-image. I hate that I thought you'd give me a warm lovely memory but you gave a bruise and I fell back at least three steps and I'm fucking sad but I have to pretend that I'm not because fuck you. You be sad. No, be happy.


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